The all important differences of cheese.

Here I am on a Sunday morning, minding my own business, trying to complete a day without a single stupid question from a paying customer. I know. I know, it will never happen. Well yesterday I was able to go a whole 1 1/2 hrs without a stupid question. Just happens to be that I was only able to go 1 1/2 hrs without seeing a customer. A gentleman walks up to the deli counter and asks where the meat ends are. All I can say is they are in the lunch meat end section over that way. (for visual affect look about 20 ft to your left and bingo you found them...I know they aren't really 20 ft away from you right now but, you get the idea) After a few minutes of minding my own business, again the same gentleman comes up with a package of meat ends in his hand and, asks the same question all over. Turns out he was looking for ends of the cheese variety. I guess there is no difference between the word "meat" and "cheese", at least not in his mind. Just goes to show you that people don't think. I also saw a person yesterday wearing blue jeans and Santa shorts over his blue jeans. I say Santa shorts because of the white cotton frill around the bottom of the shorts. Really, this is how you dress when you go out to the grocery store? WTF?

News Flash:
There is nothing more annoying than having a customer come into your place of work and tell you things you have known for years. I.e. I don't go to a car dealership and tell the salesman that a specific car only gets 22 miles/gallon. So why do people insist on telling me about mostly commonly known knowledge in regards to meats and cheeses? For example...

American cheese is not really cheese because it is not aged. Nor is Longhorn/Colby.

Here comes another true to life tale...
Customer: Can I have a pound of Naturally Slender American?
Me: Sure, how would you like that sliced?
Cust: For bread.
Me: Okay. (Slicing, slicing, slicing). Here you are ma'am. What else can I get for you?
Cust: Is this the Naturally Slender American?
Me: That is what you asked for, right?
Cust: Yes but, it looks like the other american.
Me: Well ma'am, almost all american cheese looks like that. Is there a problem?
Cust: Isn't Naturally Slender more slender?
Me: I'm sorry?
Cust: I thought naturally slender meant it was more slender, like a square the size of cocktail bread.
Me: I'm sorry?
Cust: I wanted to serve this with cocktail bread but, it's too large.
Me: Well ma'am, you could cut it into quarters then it would fit on cocktail bread. However Naturally Slender refers to the fat content not, the size of the cheese.
Cust: Oh...okay. Thank you anyway. Have a nice day.
Me: Good luck with your cheese experiment.

I need to note here that for a brief second I was speechless which, very rarely happens to me. I sometimes think that people should wear helmets when in public and, not lick the glass doors when they enter stores. This was one of those people. I have obviously had some interesting encounters with people over the years. This encounter definitely "takes the cake".

Later Alligators!!!

Thanksgiving Lobsters.

This is just a little story about stupid people. Is anyone starting to see a pattern here?

Anyway....here we go.

The Sunday before thanksgiving is usually a pretty busy day. Well this Sunday was no different. It was in 2005 and, the story goes like so. I was working this busy Sunday morning and getting excited about the Steelers game later that day. I was slicing cheese with a woman I used to work with. We'll call her muffin butt...because we used to call er that all the time. A customer walked up to the seafood counter and didn't see the Seafood Manager so the customer came over near us to ask a question, she simply said "Excuse me, can you help me with a question?" Being the responsible person I am I was more than happy to offer assistance to a customer in need, the fact that I work with a VERY SHARP, VERY FAST slicer wasn't of concern to her. Nor was it of concern to me. Who needs fingers anyway. As we are talking i heard a (chit), that is the sound your bone makes when you hit it on the moving blade of a slicer. I fell to the ground in shock and she asked if I could get her a lobster. Just kidding about the whole loss of limb thing. No one involved in my story was physically harmed during the time frame of my story. The conversation went like this.

Customer: Do you have any lobsters?
Me: Yes ma'am, they are in the tank literally under your nose.
Cust: Oh, I didn't even look there.
I could only wonder what would come next since the woman was leaning on the lobster tank she had been inquiring about.
Me: Well ma'am, they do say that you find what you are looking for in the last place you look.
The above statement has always amazed me due to the incredible amount of blatancy in that phrase.
Cust: Are those lobsters alive?
Me: Only the ones that are moving around.
Just to clarify there were 16 lobsters moving/alive and, none that were dead.
Cust: Can I have one of them? I need a live lobster for a recipe I have for Thanksgiving.
Me: The Seafood Manager is right there, she can help you from here.
Cust: Thank You.
Muffin Butt: (In a hushed voice) Wow...really...why would you think that the lobsters weren't alive?
Me: I don't know muffin butt...but, I do know that whatever that woman is cooking I don't want to eat. How can you follow a recipe when you can't even buy what you need without someone blatantly explaining the obvious to you?

I...by the way...love to explain the obvious to people.


Penned by PigpeN


Later Alligator.

Just a thought.

Why is it that people you are serving are never decent enough to at least be observant when you ask a question? Just a thought. Also why do so many retailers employ morons & idiots? I work in retail and I am an intelligent person. I feel like a rocket scientist at work. I have never and probably will never worked in a professional environment. I am however willing to bet that there isn't a tard floating around your office trying to figure out how to use the time clock after 4 months on the job, let alone read his/her e-mail. We employ them to meet diversification standards. Well also to laugh a little. There is nothing in life like hearing about a bagger that probably can't even cook eggs for her husband who is also a tard receiving a birthday present from her cousin that consist of...2x leopard print thongs with a 40d leopard print bra. Really think about it for a minute. This girl is a good 325 lbs.(Three Hundred Twenty Five Pounds) about 5'3" with that common crooked face for a true (mr) person. Her hubby...80's Stache, 120 lbs.(One Hundred Twenty Pounds) soaking wet with a face you have to see...if you want to puke in your mouth then swallow...you know, for fun. The best part about the situation is that you know as well as me that they get bored pretty easily, then his popcorn stands at attention while her juices start to flow & lube her hoo-hoo for his kernels to slip right in and do it almost till it pops like (mr) popcorn should. Then when he goes "I am gonna pop" she hops up to get the butter & salt to cover his member in 'cause she had to get fat somehow & that is my theory there. They both obviously love their lives. How can they not? You literally bag groceries for 20 hours a week and spend the rest of your time playing video games, eating, and enjoying "popcorn". Can you picture the scenario I just painted? Think about it...picture it...rub one out to it...cause if he could read he would too. Just thinking again.

Thanks for tuning in

Penned by PigpeN

Peace Out Trout

We are all assholes...can you admit it to yourself?

Just a few thoughts to start out with.

I AM AN ASSHOLE!

-I love me some me.
-People are my entertainment.
-All you can do is survive until something great comes along then, all you can do is survive.
-I have been with an illness for 20 years now. No complaints. Really.
-It is time to start trying for real now. Please read on...





-I love me some me.
I have a son born 1-06. I own a house. I am in decent health considering. I have a job that is recession proof. I have reliable transportation. I am very decisive. I have learned to live with all my decisions. I judge people on first sight or introduction. I feel like talking about myself...all the time. I know everyone loves me...EVERYONE except for the guy that was my best friend when I dubbed a sex tape of him, his fiance, and his baby momma then, I proceeded to show anyone who would watch until someone slipped up and told him about the situation. Yeah he doesn't like me. Other than him I am good. Follow me to spiritual healing and laughter. I am a likable person. I am very laid back. I am full of myself...I hope you got that by now.



-People are my entertainment.
I love to know what is going on all around me all the time. I don't really care about any of the drama, I just want to know what the drama is. I am not fond of the morbidly obese unless I am talking to someone about their eating habits or appearance or thought processes or smells. If I can make people laugh I will, however it is almost always incorporates someones stupidity. If you can't laugh at yourself you don't qualify to laugh at someone else either. I laugh at myself all the time. If we have met I have laughed at you as well. If you know me you know this last fact. I have an uncanny ability to say ANYTHING with a straight face. Do you think it's wrong to take a suckers money? A sucker is a sucker right? I know I have been "swindled" before, I am good with that because I have been on the receiving end more than I have been on the shaft. Are you thinking yet?


I work at a place that sells "Pasta Fiesta Salad" That is funny.
Someone came in the other day and asked for pasta salad.
Me: We have Pasta Fiesta Salad, would you like to try some?
Moron: No that's OK, give me 2 lbs.(two pounds).
Me: Are you sure? They call it Pasta Fiesta for a reason...it's like a party of pasta in your mouth.
Moron: What did you just say?
Me: Are you sure? They call it Pasta Fiesta for a reason...it's like a party of pasta in your mouth.
Moron: I am sure. Just give me 2 lbs.(two pounds).
Me: OK sir, I just don't want you to miss out on the party. Have a nice day.



You have a nice day now.

Penned by Pigpen.

Peace out trout!