Thanksgiving Lobsters.

This is just a little story about stupid people. Is anyone starting to see a pattern here?

Anyway....here we go.

The Sunday before thanksgiving is usually a pretty busy day. Well this Sunday was no different. It was in 2005 and, the story goes like so. I was working this busy Sunday morning and getting excited about the Steelers game later that day. I was slicing cheese with a woman I used to work with. We'll call her muffin butt...because we used to call er that all the time. A customer walked up to the seafood counter and didn't see the Seafood Manager so the customer came over near us to ask a question, she simply said "Excuse me, can you help me with a question?" Being the responsible person I am I was more than happy to offer assistance to a customer in need, the fact that I work with a VERY SHARP, VERY FAST slicer wasn't of concern to her. Nor was it of concern to me. Who needs fingers anyway. As we are talking i heard a (chit), that is the sound your bone makes when you hit it on the moving blade of a slicer. I fell to the ground in shock and she asked if I could get her a lobster. Just kidding about the whole loss of limb thing. No one involved in my story was physically harmed during the time frame of my story. The conversation went like this.

Customer: Do you have any lobsters?
Me: Yes ma'am, they are in the tank literally under your nose.
Cust: Oh, I didn't even look there.
I could only wonder what would come next since the woman was leaning on the lobster tank she had been inquiring about.
Me: Well ma'am, they do say that you find what you are looking for in the last place you look.
The above statement has always amazed me due to the incredible amount of blatancy in that phrase.
Cust: Are those lobsters alive?
Me: Only the ones that are moving around.
Just to clarify there were 16 lobsters moving/alive and, none that were dead.
Cust: Can I have one of them? I need a live lobster for a recipe I have for Thanksgiving.
Me: The Seafood Manager is right there, she can help you from here.
Cust: Thank You.
Muffin Butt: (In a hushed voice) Wow...really...why would you think that the lobsters weren't alive?
Me: I don't know muffin butt...but, I do know that whatever that woman is cooking I don't want to eat. How can you follow a recipe when you can't even buy what you need without someone blatantly explaining the obvious to you?

I...by the way...love to explain the obvious to people.


Penned by PigpeN


Later Alligator.

We are all assholes...can you admit it to yourself?

Just a few thoughts to start out with.

I AM AN ASSHOLE!

-I love me some me.
-People are my entertainment.
-All you can do is survive until something great comes along then, all you can do is survive.
-I have been with an illness for 20 years now. No complaints. Really.
-It is time to start trying for real now. Please read on...





-I love me some me.
I have a son born 1-06. I own a house. I am in decent health considering. I have a job that is recession proof. I have reliable transportation. I am very decisive. I have learned to live with all my decisions. I judge people on first sight or introduction. I feel like talking about myself...all the time. I know everyone loves me...EVERYONE except for the guy that was my best friend when I dubbed a sex tape of him, his fiance, and his baby momma then, I proceeded to show anyone who would watch until someone slipped up and told him about the situation. Yeah he doesn't like me. Other than him I am good. Follow me to spiritual healing and laughter. I am a likable person. I am very laid back. I am full of myself...I hope you got that by now.



-People are my entertainment.
I love to know what is going on all around me all the time. I don't really care about any of the drama, I just want to know what the drama is. I am not fond of the morbidly obese unless I am talking to someone about their eating habits or appearance or thought processes or smells. If I can make people laugh I will, however it is almost always incorporates someones stupidity. If you can't laugh at yourself you don't qualify to laugh at someone else either. I laugh at myself all the time. If we have met I have laughed at you as well. If you know me you know this last fact. I have an uncanny ability to say ANYTHING with a straight face. Do you think it's wrong to take a suckers money? A sucker is a sucker right? I know I have been "swindled" before, I am good with that because I have been on the receiving end more than I have been on the shaft. Are you thinking yet?


I work at a place that sells "Pasta Fiesta Salad" That is funny.
Someone came in the other day and asked for pasta salad.
Me: We have Pasta Fiesta Salad, would you like to try some?
Moron: No that's OK, give me 2 lbs.(two pounds).
Me: Are you sure? They call it Pasta Fiesta for a reason...it's like a party of pasta in your mouth.
Moron: What did you just say?
Me: Are you sure? They call it Pasta Fiesta for a reason...it's like a party of pasta in your mouth.
Moron: I am sure. Just give me 2 lbs.(two pounds).
Me: OK sir, I just don't want you to miss out on the party. Have a nice day.



You have a nice day now.

Penned by Pigpen.

Peace out trout!